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Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Caterham CT05 Looks Broken Before It Even Turns A Wheel

2014 Caterham CT05
I can't see you, but I'm guessing you just freaked out, or pulled a funny face, or perhaps reacted in exactly the same way as Dr. Evil does in the first 15 seconds of this clip from Austin Powers: Goldmember upon seeing the image here, be it internally or actually out loud:


This is an acceptable reaction. That... thing is called a mole the Caterham CT05, and is an actual image of the actual 2014 Formula 1 car from the actual Caterham team, which is actually based in Norfolk. For actuals.

Don't believe me? Here is another picture of it, this time on track:

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!
Even the Vel Satis is a prettier Renault-badged car than that. There are barely any sponsors on this car, probably because most of them saw it and then fled. Quickly. What the hell is going on there?!

It appears that their nose protrusion that meets the regulation (lack of) height sticks out from a nose that's flatter on the top than on the bottom, like the opposite of an aeroplane wing, so presumably their computers have told them that this Franken-nose, a sort of combination of 2012 and 2014 ugliness with the stepped chassis just behind the nose, helps generate downforce. I bloody well hope so, because you'd have to really hate Formula 1 to give it a car that ugly unless there was a reason for it.

Drivers Kamui Kobayashi and Marcus Ericsson (read more about them here) will be glad they can't see it when they're driving it. As for us? Well, at least if you keep reading the text then you aren't looking at a picture of it anymorOHGODTHERE'SANOTHERONE.

EEEUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH
MAKE IT STOOOOOOPPPPP!!!!!
Some have compared it to a snow shovel. I suppose that's better than saying "penis nose" for the eighth time this month. At least we won't see them on TV much, seeing as Caterham's best ever result was 12th in a crazy race (it would have to be). For now, feel free to vomit, or look at the first picture of the real-life Williams FW36 and realise that if you weren't sure about its nose before, it now looks positively gorgeous compared to... that thing...


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